南敏
地球
2008-03-29 23:24:26
I simply can't shout out like Rechal to Ross in Friends "I am totally over you", for, I think, I am not. You were already gone long time ago, and I was dead inside. I guess that's why I am still not able to look at the whole world with my heart.
Some are really wise enough to see love all around, brave enough to forgive and generous enough to rejoince other's happiness after being hurt. They certainly survive the tragic ending. I am reduced to be a victim, a pathetic girl in the shadowy corner. I have been thinking about it all the time: how can't I just let go?! There must be some way out. I am a jerk, a hysteric jerk, cheating myself that you still care about me.
“There are millions of couples in this world, millions of relationships. Do you think every one of them will work? He's with someone. It's for the best. It would be even worse if you were married, only to realize it dosen't work. It will be too late.” Hearing what my American friend said, I took a deep breath. He's gonna to see his beloved ex marry another guy, wishing the couple to grow old together for better or worse…Disgusting! No, I won't. I am trying to be generous but it kills! My! It really kills!
The only wish I want is some day when I wake up, losing all the memory about you. I still love my life. It's just some part of it shouldn't have been stained with the past about you. You can keep silent all the time as if you disppeared from this world, as if you never knew me, as if there were no summer in 2005. If so, I will take it as if you really disppear from my world, never see someone named Maureen in summer. And to take back my dignity and pride, I feel like I never send you roses, cry you a river for nights, think of you in every waking hour, caress your chin covered with bristles and smell the ordor left by your after shave lotion.
People often say “Never look back”. It is as easy as it is hard. I guess those who say so often can't help looking back, being tortured by the after effects of love and yet so addicted. When I see them, I see myself from their eyes.
老莫在BLOG的文章，我的英语水平很烂，一些单词不认识，但还是能看懂80%左右。
还是很心疼她。
老莫是个不愿意把爱情拿出来谈的人，永远看起来大大咧咧的样子，其实是比谁都细心的孩子。她说——当然我的英语很差，我只能意会。
我无法喊出来像<FRIENDS>中Rechal 对 Ross说的 ： "我完全放下了你" ，因为我觉得，我没有。你已经远去很久了，而我也曾沉溺于此。我想，这就是为什么我仍然无法用完整的心去看这个世界的缘由。
是有这样的人可以足够明智地对待周围的爱情，勇敢地去原谅，在受伤后仍心存祝福，他们无疑将成功地穿越悲伤。但我沦为一个受害者，一个可怜的女孩子，躲藏在阴影的角落，我一直在思考：我如何能释怀！必须有一些出路！但我疯狂地，歇斯底里地疯狂着，我自欺欺人地以为你仍是在乎我的。
“世界上有那么多对情侣，数以百万计的关系，你是否认为他们中每一对都是和谐的呢？他现在和某人在一起，这也许是最好的。更惨的是如果你结婚了你才发现不合适，那也许就更迟了。”听了我以为美国朋友这样说后，我深深地吸了口气。他正要看着他心爱的前女友即将嫁给另一个人，并且他还要祝福那对幸福的夫妻同甘共苦白头到老……讨厌！不！我不会！我也试图慷慨，但这让我窒息，让我窒息！！
现在我只希望我可以清醒过来，忘记关于你的一切。我依然热爱我的生活，这只是部分，它不应该为你所改变。你大可以保持沉默仿佛你消失在这个世界上，仿佛你从未认识过我，仿佛2005年夏天没有来过；如果这样，我也可以当作你真的消失于我的世界，当作那个夏天没有人呼唤过我的名字，而后重拾我的尊严和骄傲。我希望我没有送过你玫瑰花没有为你在深夜泪流成河没有在每个醒来的时候被思念逼得无处可躲没有抚摸过你长满细小胡渣的下巴也没有拥抱过你洗浴后的味道。
人们说，不要回头望。这易如反掌，也难于登天。我想这样说的人，都是自己都无法控制自己的一再回顾，一再为爱情的遗伤痛苦，并以此成瘾。当我看着他们时，我也从他们的眼中看到了自己，彼此怜惜。
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这是我最好的朋友，她爱着我也爱过的人。
我只希望她幸福。
我从来不舍得她受任何一点点伤。我真希望我可以替她抹掉那段不堪的回忆，然而那注定不是由我来做，那么我只能在这里为她祈祷，祈祷她的天使能赶快降临。
那个时候，我们都要很幸福。
[ 本帖最后由 南敏 于 2008-4-9 11:22 编辑 ]
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